Real friends?

Okay, so i know, friends are meant to help you through whatever, thick and thin.
'scuse the pun.

But when you've told them a million times, you dont want help,

You dont NEED help.
You'd think they'd leave you the hell alone.

For god sake, i dont need help, i need acceptance!

I'm sick of hearing

'Do you want some dinner?'
'No thanks'
'Are you sure?'
'Honestly babe, im fine'
'Please have something'

'Why?'
'Just please do, im worried about you'

Bloody hell man get over it, im not exactly waisting away.
Fucking hell, im nearly 8 stone.
Not exactly a size zero am i!

I love 'em to bits but i wish theyd give over!

They make me want to cave.
When you've had something offered so many times that little voice in your head starts saying.

'Go on just have a bit, it wont hurt and besides it'll get them off your back, you can just be good tomorrow. Just have a bit then you can go home, and get on the crosstrainer. There's always tomorrow to listen to the other voice. Just listen to me today, You never listen to me!'

Alternate voice says.

'Come on youve been good all week, dont let yourself down, youve reached a milestone. Christmas is coming up. Do you want to look like a fat whore in your party dress. Cellulite popping from the bottom of your LBD is not a good look, are you gonne cave? You shitty letdown..... Oh...you did. I cant believe you ate THAT. You fat cow!'

Thats right, i ruined my weeks hard work.
Devil won. But like he says there's always tomorrow.
Always tomorrow to listen to ana's angel.
xxxxx

Richie James

Its so wierd, i cant stop thinking about him.
Just vanished.
I wanna know what happened so much!

Now that i have that off my chest, i have good news!
106! not been that for a while, it just shows, low cal pays off.
It makes you feel so much better, when your hard work pays off.
The number of times it doesn't, and you just think whats the point.
Then there comes a moment like this.
Which reveals 'the point'.

I have to say, i havent noticed many changes with regards to clothes fitting.
Which makes me think, it might just be a lucky scale, but i did weigh myself a few times, and none were above 106.

I might just notice it with my clothes.

I finally managed to cover my walls anyway,
7 coats later, and i have lovely pristine walls.
Bloody cheap paint.
Hope everyones well.

xxxxxxxxxx

P.s

Adorable

I love the big hair.

Act on Impulse.

Decided to decorate my room.
My friend suffers with manic depression, so goes to raki healing ('scuse my spelling_
she says changing your room colour sometimes changes your moode, so why not!
I chose white, its pure, and perfect.
As i one day hope to be.

-

I've put a few coats on but im really struggling to cover the old paintwork, which is a bit of a let down.
Still its left me feeling suprisingly chipper. I love change.

On the ana side, todays been pretty good so far. Managed to stick to my allowance of 600, currently on 420.
But with the evening looming, lets see if i have a nother episode same as last night.
Not good :/

I also went charity shopping today, and found a rate deal. An adorable laura ashley cricket style jumper. I love it, and it was only £3

God i love a bargain, im a slave to it!
Anyway, best get cracking on my room, just didnt want to get into the habit of not blogging again. Got to be commited!

-

Love you all! (:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Have you ever...

Ate so much so fast that food actually gets stuck going down your throat.
I just binged.
After 3 weeks of being so good, and so controlled, i snapped,fell,sank, threw it all away.
I cant believe i was so naive and stupid, as to think i'd got into a routine that i could stick to.
Chocolates, just one wont hurt, the conciense said?
How wrong could the bitch be!
Ones never enough! then chocolate starts to make you feel sick, so you make something bland, carbs maybe?
While they're cooking you eat more, then your so full by the time its cooked, but you eat it all the same, just for the fun.

Well....now im sat at my laptop, feeling like some kind of Hippo. Dreading chucking up my guts untill my throat feels as rough as a bears arse.

I hate myself right now, i really really do.
To the point were i cant be arsed with this shit anymore, and i just want to stay in bed all day and eat fuck all, cause everything you eat makes you utterly grotesque.
Then i think thats not true, youve just had a bad day, and needed some kind of therapy.
Shame i seek that in food, i could seek it in exercise, or shopping.
But no.
No.

Oh no.

Okay i know its been a while.
Oops, ive just had it all on at the minute. Family seems to be going down the shitter.
College is so tiring, and dont even get me started on work.
Things seem to picking up a little now though, which means i have more time, meaning i can get back in touch with everyone.
So basically, my sister and her husband are going through a divorce, and the cunt just wont co-operate with anything.
I feel so bad for her, she's such a nice person.

Yet i hate the way she makes me feel....kinda selfish for having an e.d
She like, does the whole guilt trip scene, but im completely immune to that.
Been there done it, got the t-shirt.

This isnt my fault, its not a crime, and its not something to be ashamed of!
Its who i am for christ sake!

Sorry to go all Jeremy Kyle on your arse, but you get where im coming from right.
Not too sure of stats at the minute to be honest.
But i'll post as soon as i know ;)
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxx

Thinspo

Piet.

Monika Resetkova

Lianna F

Jana Knauerova

Cameron Russell

Today was shit so i figured id just search fuck loads of model type pictures to shame me into never being a fat ass ever again. Here are some fav's i found.